A New Level of Motivation

I was able to work with the most amazing personal trainer while I was working in California this week. I’ve worked with a few trainers in the past, including a few in my home gym, but Eugene is not just a personal trainer - he is also a Command Fitness Leader for the Navy Seabees.

I’ve worked out with trainers that treat you like a number and just move you from machine to machine and occasionally tell you that you are doing a good job. They don’t take the time to explain what muscle groups you are working on, what the exercise is doing for your body, or how to take the exercise to a different level by adding an additional move. I wanted someone who would challenge me.

I contacted Eugene a month prior to my trip and explained that I was basically looking to get my ass kicked for a week while I was in town and that I wanted to be able to take a new program home that I could work on in between my trips.

From the second we met at the gym, I knew I made the right decision because I had that same magnetic connection with him that I had when I first crossed the threshold to my own gym back in October. I knew I was about to have an epic week.

Eugene asked me what equipment I had in my Anytime Fitness gym because he wanted to make sure I could perform the same exercises when I returned.

As we were walking through the gym, I told him that most of my strength was in my thighs (Pete and Repeat can carry their weight) and that my upper body was pretty weak so we dove right in and started working on my arms, back, shoulders, and chest.

He walked me over to the cables and, to my surprise, I didn’t leave that spot for the entire hour. I was able to do all six exercises on the same cable using different configurations.

My first workout consisted of super setting: Standing Isolated High Row and Standing Isolated Cable Press; Standing Level Cable Row and Isolated Cable Curl & Press; and finally Forward Shoulder Cable Raise and Kneeling Lat Pull Down.

I did three sets of each (15-20 reps for most) and at the end I did one more of each all over again for good luck (and to show him that I remembered how to set each one up by myself).

Because I had told him my upper body was weak, he started me off with a very low weight. He could see that I was easily doing most of the exercises so he kept adding weight…and adding more weight. After our session was over, he told me I lied and that I was a lot stronger than I had admitted.

Apparently, pulling is my thing because I was able to pull 72.5 pounds on my standing level cable row. May not seem like a lot to some of you body builders but he seemed pretty impressed with that number.

We worked on my core on Day 2. I explained that I hadn’t worked on just my core in more than three years and I asked him to go easy on me. He just smiled that grin that people give you when you are in for a surprise.

For a millisecond, I thought about faking a cramp and running when he said the word “plank”.  Just kidding. I was actually looking forward to the challenge.

The only planks I had done in the past were just the good old standard plank on my forearms and toes. Well, Eugene wanted to challenge me so he had me doing suspended planks. As he was getting my feet strapped in, I couldn’t help but make the wisecrack, “our second session and you already have me in straps”. HA!!

Again, I was super setting my exercises. I did TRX planks on my forearms and then hands (push up). Then I did Lay to Sit sit-ups and Ankle Hold Leg Lifts (he stood above my head while I was on my back and I held onto his ankles as I raised my legs to touch his hands). Those were followed up with what we decided to call Fold-ins (basically a combo lay to sit sit-up with a leg lift…very hard to do) and Bosu Ball Sit-ups. The last set was more forearm and push up planking but this time with the Bosu Ball.

Day 3 was the dreaded leg day. I had the videographer out with us to film scenes for my upcoming documentary. Eugene wasn’t sure if the gym would allow the camera in so we utilized the park.

My normal leg day consisted of nothing but weights so I was curious what he was going to do. I kept asking him and all he would do was flash that “you’ll find out” grin.

I thought maybe he was secretly plotting to kill me because leg day consisted of: TRX Jump Squats, Bosu Balance Squats, Bosu Foot Transfer Side Squats, Wide Kettle Bell Squats, Single Leg Step Ups, and Hill Sprints.

Yes, folks…not one, not two, not three, but FOUR types of squats annnnd…I had to do all of that while being filmed. WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST WAS I THINKING?

The footage of me on the Bosu ball is hilarious. I’m determined to master that damn thing. I still had a smile on my face when we finished and it wasn’t because the camera was rolling.

We decided to take our final workout on Day 4 outdoors again so we went back to the park. Despite the wind that kept my hair going crazy and tossed dirt in our eyes – it was a beautiful day for battle. And I mean that literally. I did Battle Ropes Doubles, Battle Ropes Alternating Singles, Slam Ball, TRX Pull-Ups, Dumbell Curl & Press and then I got to put on the gloves and throw some Combo Punches. I’m sure he is still laughing at my lack of coordination because I know I am. I am super happy that I didn’t have the camera rolling that day. Hee hee!

Now, I’m sure y’all are wondering why I didn’t do this in my own gym. Well…when you workout in a gym where everyone feels like family, you tend to get too close and reaching out for help gets a little tougher because you don’t want to bother them when you know they are so busy. At least, that is how I have grown to feel. Must be that Superwoman thing again...

I needed some outside motivation from someone who could see the fire in my eyes and push me harder than I believed I could be pushed.

Someone who could see my potential even though I couldn’t see it myself.

Someone who could match a program to my goals.

Someone who would show me, step-by-step, what I need to do and why I need to do it in a certain way to avoid injury.

Someone who wouldn’t look at their phone during a conversation or tell me to hang on while reading/replying to a text.

Someone who would take their time to really listen and then thoroughly explain things in a language that I could understand.

Someone who would train me like an athlete and not a body builder.

Someone who would stand next to me, behind me, or in front of me and tell me to dig deep, push, and keep going.

Someone to tell me, “you got this”.

Someone to give me a whole new level of motivation.

I definitely found that in Eugene and I cannot wait to go back and work with him again. Because when you find that in a trainer, you do not let them go!

I got this!

Limits are meant to be pushed!

Yoda wisdom is something I wish I had instilled in me. 

I am starting this post off with an apology to my readers. Between work and life, I've been going Mach II with my hair on fire since my last post nearly two months ago.

It started in March with a trip to Vegas to celebrate my son's birthday (and my divorce) and I didn't slow down until a week ago after I returned from an eight-day road trip to Phoenix. Outside of work, the only thing I had time to squeeze in was my gym time, even while on the road. Y'all know that the gym is my happy place and it's what held me together when all I wanted to do was run and hide.

These past several months, Yoda has been whispering his various quotes in my ear. Even if you are not a fan of Star Wars, you should appreciate that fictional little green guru's wisdom.

When it comes to working out, I am a firm "do or do not, there is no try" believer. There comes a time when you have to stop planning, stop thinking, stop contemplating, and just start doing. I've been rockin' the cardio since October and combined with the right diet, I have lost nearly 60 pounds in the last six months. I have reached the point in my fitness journey that I need to step it up a notch so this week I added weight training to my routine.

Now, if you've been following me for a while you know I don't do anything lightly. I'm more of a "go big or don't go at all" kind of girl. I don't like to half-ass anything, even mistakes. LOL.

I am starting my weight training with a three-day upper/lower body split. As I get stronger, I will increase to a four-day split working my way to a five. What is a three-day split? Basically, I rotate through three weight training workouts each week where each muscle group is trained once every 4th or 5th day. I'm a newbie at weights so until I gain a little strength and skill, I am only doing three sets of 8-12 reps of six different exercises in each group. For instance, this past week my schedule was as follows:

• Monday - Back and Biceps
• Lat pull-down with wide grip
• Seated row
• Bent over row
• Reverse peck deck flyes
• Standing bicep curls with a curl bar
• Supinating bicep curls, alternating
• Wednesday - Chest, Shoulders, and Triceps
• Dumbbell press
• Incline dumbbell flyes
• Peck deck flyes
• Military dumbbell press
• Tricep extension
• Tricep kickbacks
• Friday - Legs
• Squats
• Bulgarian split lunges
• Romanian deadlift
• Leg extensions
• Leg curls
• Calf raises (leg press / calf machine superset)

Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are still dedicated to the StairMaster and my beloved rowing machine. Sundays are my rest days.

One of my friends at the gym put the above plan together for me because I know nothing about weight lifting and had NO clue where to start. One of the trainers at the gym graciously worked out with me on each of my "first" days to make sure I knew how to perform each exercise and had proper form to avoid injury.

Monday and Wednesday were challenging (because of the whole breathing and counting thing - more on this later) but nothing I couldn't handle. By Thursday, my arms and shoulders were so sore I could barely get them over my head. However - in my true style, I mostly just giggled through the pain. Okay...I might have dropped a few F-bombs.

Now...I am not going to lie to y'all. Today is Saturday. Which means that yesterday was leg day. Do you remember when I first started the StairMaster and I thought I was going to die because my thighs felt like they were on fire? Yeah...that has NOTHIN' on leg day. This morning's workout was brutal because my legs were still shaking. I was only able to get through 60 of my usual 90-minute session. Even right now, at this very moment, 24-hours after I finished leg day...my thighs could still very well spontaneously combust. Yet - I am still giggling (and dropping F-bombs) through the pain.

I can honestly say that there is more to weight lifting than just lifting a weight. You have to stand, sit, or lay in a certain way and you have to breathe properly. When I do my cardio, I just have to keep going at whatever exercise I'm doing. When lifting weights, you do a lot of counting. Not just counting your reps but you have to count how fast you lift the weight, hold the weight, and lower the weight. Who knew there was so much math involved?

The weight lifting lingo is also foreign - tempo and tension, eccentric and concentric, isolated and compound movements, the list goes on. And then there is the whole breathing thing. Exhale when you are using the muscle, except when you are doing squats, then it's the opposite. Aaaahhhh - so much to remember but Yoda's wisdom once again got me through - "You must unlearn what you have learned." Learning is a HUGE part of fitness. We learn what works and what doesn't. But mostly, we learn where our efforts really pay off because nothing worthwhile doesn't come without effort.

Limits are meant to be pushed and I am the queen at pushing them (just ask anyone who has ever met me...LOL).

Why? Because that is how progress is made.

You will never know your limits until you push yourself to them. And then you push a little harder.

I've still got this!

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

In early January, one of my best guy friends and I were chatting about my weight loss progress. He texted me afterward and said, "You seem much happier when you are fit. Yet, things get in the way, and you get comfy and resort to things that take you away from happiness. Try and remind yourself that this is a way of life. You always go back to working out and eating right to find happiness. So don't stop. Make it a priority. Always. It's healthier for your brain and body."

I love him for being so honest with me. He has always told me like it is even if the truth hurts my feelings. This time was no different. He didn't hurt my feelings though because he is 100% correct. He has seen me at my best, my worst, and everything in between. He is the one who taught me how to spend time with myself to get to know who I really am as a person.

Essentially, he was responsible for how I defined myself nearly four years ago. Back then, I was spending at least four days a week in the gym, was eating a clean diet, and I was happy.

And then...I fell into a relationship with my soon-to-be-ex and I got "comfy". I stopped going to the gym and I stopped following my diet. I was in "relationship mode" with someone who wasn't on the same health and fitness page I was.

The first mistake I made was thinking I could stray from working out and be OK. The second mistake I made was thinking I could stray from my diet and be OK. Diet and exercise go hand-in-hand.

Granted, I couldn't exercise after I got sick in February 2015 until my doctors cleared me 7 months later, but I could have certainly been eating properly.

Instead, I wasn't holding myself accountable and I allowed myself to use my relationship and my health as an excuse to go rogue and it took me away from my happiness.

Working out has become my number one priority. I have said it time and time again, and I'll continue saying it...the gym is my happy place. It has become a place of solitude for me. I do my best thinking and sometimes my worst overthinking there but I know I can always count on feeling on top of the world when I walk out after a good workout.

Eating according to my goals is priority number two. A good workout does nothing for me if I am fueling my body with crap. For the most part, I eat fairly clean. I allow myself indulgences when I know I am going to burn it off in the gym the same day.

After I received that message from my friend, I realized that in order to maintain my weight loss once I have reached my goal, I had to make sure that I have a plan in place that is sustainable and that includes making sure the people in my life are supportive of my eating habits and fitness goals.

Being healthy is a way of life for me and I will not give that up again.

Can't stop. Won't stop. For anyone!

Patience, Persistence, and Accountability

I returned home from my business trip to California last Friday and I was a hot mess. I cried the entire three-hour plane ride home and I cried all the way home from the airport. I just wanted to get home so I could change my clothes and get to the gym.

The woes of life on the road can be tough when trying to eat healthy. Not gonna lie...The first night I was in California, one of my best girlfriends had a Mardi Gras party and that was centered around a ton of Cajun food (I am also still wondering how I, the Canadian, was put in charge of frying up the Boudin Balls) and a lot of alcohol was served (I only had 4 shots of Patron, 3 shots of Fireball, and three Jell-O shots...I promise I will never drink like that again...ugh).

Over the course of the week, I ate at Red Robin twice (clucks and onion rings), ate at my favorite steakhouse twice (salad, nachos, ribeye, green beans, and one night...skillet apple pie with the most delicious butter bourbon sauce...GASP!, and I ate at my favorite hole in the wall Mexican joint because they have the best carne asada quesadillas on earth. Now, I can't eat much in one sitting but still...it's safe to say, I indulged at least once a day.

I did have my favorite protein shake at least twice a day at snack time, I had oatmeal for breakfast, and I worked out four of the six nights I was there.

As soon as I got home, I changed my clothes, fed my animals, and made my way to the gym (aka, my happy place).

The next morning, after my morning workout, I stepped on the scale to see if I had done any damage to the number while in California. Even after indulging in my favorite restaurants, I was shocked to see I had lost FIVE pounds.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I needed a break from work so I took this week off to focus on myself, my mind, and to make peace in my heart.

The only time I checked my work email or thought about work was to simply delete the junk mail.

OK, I lied. I had to shoot a video Monday morning and I may have replied to a few quick questions from my Inbox BUT I did not read or do anything that required me to put much effort into thinking about work.

I spent my days going to the gym, shopping (groceries for the most part), writing, taking long hot baths, and listening to music versus plopping down on the couch and watching television.

I've been doing two-a-days at the gym all week. Each day, by the end of my second workout, I rowed 26,000 meters (today, I only did 25,000...slacker) and climbed between 300-400 flights of stairs.

These two-a-days have been paying off because I have lost another five pounds since Monday.

That is a total of 10 pounds in two weeks and a grand total of 45 pounds since October.

Every morning, at the same time, I weigh in to check my progress. In case you are wondering, I do not get frustrated with myself (or my scale for that matter) if the number is the same as it was the day before, or even the day before that. I know I am putting in the effort. If it stays the same for more than two weeks, then I look at my diet and workout regimen and adjust accordingly.

Because of my success, I get approached several times a week at the gym by various members telling me how inspiring and motivating I am to them and then they proceed to ask questions. Of which I am both humbled and honored.

Usually, the first question is...How do you do it?

After joking that it is "one bloody step at a time on the darn StairMaster", my response is always, patience, persistence, and accountability.

You HAVE to call bullshit on yourself and hold yourself accountable for what you eat and the persistence you put into your workouts. You can't expect a great loss if you don't put in a great effort.

You also have to be patient. If you are trying to lose the 50 pounds you gained over a year...it will not come off overnight. It takes four weeks for you to see a difference in your own body, eight weeks for your friends, and twelve weeks for everyone else. It takes time people. I know most people are searching for that instant gratification and you want the validation from others. It is going to take at least THREE months before they will notice.

Have patience, hold yourself accountable, and be persistent. That's the key to success.

The second question I usually get asked is...Do you eat? (not, "What do you eat?", but "DO YOU EAT??)

Ummm...helllloooo...I freakin' LOVE food. Yes, I eat. I just follow a strict diet when I am at home. I don't eat out often when I am not traveling because I like to know what I am putting in my body.

Examples of what I eat are:

Breakfast
I always start my morning with a protein shake that has no less than 50 grams of protein (my new favorite protein is ProtiZyme by Metabolic) and for whatever reason I also eat a spoonful of fresh ground, all natural peanut butter. Then I choose one of the following:

• Steel Cut Oatmeal with a little milk, brown sugar, and cinnamon. I usually eat 3/4 cup to 1 cup.
• Two eggs (scrambled) or egg beaters with a little bit of shredded cheese.
• Hard boiled egg.
• 1 cup plain greek yogurt (my favorite is Fage) with a tablespoon of honey or agave.

Lunch

• Shredded chicken with a little shredded cheese (heated until warm and gooey) with a tablespoon of sour cream and a tablespoon or two of Pico de Gallo or a good chucky salsa.
• Grilled chicken breast (spiced) with a spring mix salad (light on the dressing). I love to change up the flavor of my chicken with different spices (Fajita, Spicy Aloha, Greek, Garlic & Peppercorn, etc.).

Dinner

• Spaghetti sauce with ground beef (hold the pasta for the most part)
• Grilled salmon (my FAV) with smoked basmati rice
• Grilled beef and veggie skewers with Chimichurri
• Grilled skirt steak over a bed of spring mix
• Grilled jumbo shrimp

 Note: I love to grill. No oils, great flavor, and it doesn't heat up the house during the summer.

Snacks
I eat snacks twice a day (two hours after breakfast and two hours after lunch) and it's usually always one of the following:

• Protein shake (no less than 50 grams of protein)
• Mini Babybel Light cheese
• Orange
• Apple
• Banana
• Quest Protein Bar (my Fav is Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough)

I eat pretty clean and don't eat a lot of carbs during the day. I try to eat most of them in the morning. Everyone is different, this is just works for me.

NOTE: Complex carbs are the delivery vehicle for protein so don't skip out on them.

Other Notes

I was eating WAY too much fruit and had to cut that down. Natural or not, there is so much sugar in fruit.

I also drink TONS of water. At a minimum you should be drinking half your body weight in ounces, every day (if you are working out or working in the heat, you need to add at least 16 more ounces to that).

My daily protein intake is 1 gram of protein per pound of my target weight.

Do I eat junk food? Occasionally. I LOVE popcorn and I LOVE hot chocolate. I am a sucker for both. If you ever need to apologize to me for anything, bring hot chocolate or popcorn and I'll instantly forgive you.

The third most popular question asked is...how can you row for so long? HA! I row for at least an hour a day. Lately, it's been one hour and five minutes. This week it was that times two since I have been doing two-a-days.

I cannot explain how I can row for so long but I will tell you that it took me a few weeks to build up my endurance. I just put on some good music and get into a zone. The first and last 2,000 meters are always the longest.

Again, I had to have patience with myself and my body to get to where I am at today.

I cannot wait to see where I am at six months from now.

I got this!


P.S. - I have said this before and I'll keep saying it until the end of time but I absolutely LOVE my Anytime Fitness gym. The members are so welcoming and awesome. Each and every day is the same as the first for me. I am magnetically drawn in through the doors and I leave so much happier.

Tonight, I was caught on camera rowing again.

Dawn Wagner (aka "The Row Master") putting a session in with Kanda Sanders. Awesome job ladies - you rock!!!
Posted by Anytime Fitness - Katy, TX on Thursday, February 18, 2016

The Problem with Being Superwoman

Despite having Superwoman powers, I am human and can only take so much pressure.

My inner motivational speaker is trying to tell me to “suck it up bitch” but I have reached the point where even as I type this, I have crocodile tears rolling down my cheeks. And, I am currently in flight…with a stranger sitting beside me who is probably wondering how the heck he ended up sitting next to the crazy lady on the plane. Poor guy.

Lately, I have been extremely overwhelmed with various emotions.

Work.

Home.

Men.

Life in general.

All of the above are weighing heavy on my mind right now.

I have no doubt that I was created to inspire and motivate others and I will continue to figure out what I am supposed to do with my “purpose”.

I have been waiting for a “Captain Obvious” sign but I haven’t seen it yet.

I am not a patient person. I am learning though. I am learning to let things happen as they are supposed to and not force them.

That has been a hard lesson to learn in my weight loss journey. To be patient.

When people start a new diet or plan to get fit, they expect instant results.

We didn’t gain our weight overnight so we cannot expect it to come off overnight.

Patience is the key to weight loss success.

That and holding yourself accountable.

Yes, I can workout 1.5 hours a day. Climb 200 flights of stairs. Row 20,000 meters.

But none of that matters if I go home and down a bag of chips or consume handfuls of chocolate chips.

My inner motivational speaker screamed, “CUT THE SHIT, DAWN”.

When I started back at the gym four months ago, I had to stop lying to myself about my eating habits.

I started holding myself accountable.

Patience and accountability is what has helped me lose 39 pounds over the past four months.

I have to use this same way of thinking about all of the emotions I have been bottling up. I know I didn’t bottle all of them up at once and even though I may be able to pour them all out at the same time, I still have to clean up the mess.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a very strong woman.

I am determined.

I am persistent.

I push though and persevere.

If I want something, I’m not afraid to go after it.

I am not afraid to speak up or offer my opinion.

I don't let anyone stand in my way.

I am the girl who, despite wanting to fall down on the ground kicking and screaming, will look you dead in the eye and with a smile on my face will tell you that everything is good.

Once upon a time, someone called me selfish. I think I am the least selfish person I know.

I am the girl who is there for everyone when no one else is.

I am the girl who will answer the phone at 2:43 in the morning when a friend needs to talk. Or needs a ride. Or just needs someone to listen.

I am the girl who holds people together when they are falling apart.

I am Superwoman.

Cook, bake, fix something, build something, put a bandaid on it, you name it…I’m there for everyone.

The problem I face by being this strong, independent woman is I don’t have anyone who can hold me together when I am the one falling apart.

Not because I don’t have friends or family that care because I have many.

I just don’t like to bother people with my issues.

I would rather push my own problems aside and help others with theirs.

Even though I wear my heart on my sleeve, I don’t want others to see that I have a weak side.

All I know is right now, I feel like I am falling apart.

I am not depressed.

I do not need counseling.

I wake up every day and I choose to be happy. Because, I believe that it IS a choice.

I just need a break.

I need to refocus my energy.

Starting the moment I land, I am officially on vacation. I am taking one of the six weeks of vacation I have stockpiled and I am going to focus on ME.

I will hang up my Superwoman cape for a few days.

I will go to the gym twice a day to burn off excess emotions (and let me tell you…a good workout is one of THE best ways to lift your spirits and kill whatever negative energy you may have flowing through your bloodstream).

I will NOT feel sorry for myself BUT I will allow myself to cry if the tears start to flow.

I will work on my book.

I will focus on my goals.

I will focus on being patient.

I will continue to hold myself accountable.

Life’s kryptonite has temporarily weakened my powers but I have no doubt that after this week is over, I will be back stronger than ever before and my cape will have new colors.

I got this.

What Little Changes Can Do

When I was in my 20's, I subconsciously thrived on stress and drama. I was attracted to it. I got caught up in various television Soap Opera's. Was glued to the news channels for hours during a disaster story. I always had to know the latest drama going on at work or in other people's lives. 

For whatever reason, I needed to feel like I was a part of it all and because "like attracts like", I surrounded myself with people who were full of drama and stress. And, what goes hand in hand with that? Negativity! Also known as, life's biggest energy sucker.

Even though I thrived on stress, I was always a positive person. I was the one that would tell you that the glass was half full.

It wasn't until I started associated myself with positive people and situations that I realized how much control I had over my own happiness and opportunities that surround me.

I have since grown into the person that will drink the glass of water while others continue to argue over how full it is because life is too short to argue over one's personal perception. But, challenge me when I know I am right, and it's totally "game on". HA!

Don't get me wrong. As optimistic as I am, I have found myself in plenty of stressful and negative situations but how I choose to respond is of my own doing. I just try really hard to not allow anyone to dictate my emotions. I allow myself to be sad, mad, angry, or happy. And, it's OK to feel sad (for a moment). It's OK to be mad. More importantly, it's OK to be happy.

There is nothing naive about being happy or positive. Most negative people perceive positive people as being naive because we aren't focused on what could go wrong.

While I am aware of the risks I take, I choose to focus on what can go right. Where is the wrong in that?

And, I do not dare let anyone tell me that I can't do something for myself. Tell me I can't achieve something and I'll show you I can.

I use my inner motivational speaker to push myself to succeed in everything I do. Whether it's a tough project at work or my effort level in the gym, I can talk myself into finishing whatever I start.

Last Sunday, I decided to push myself a little harder at the gym because a bigger effort = bigger results. So, I added an extra 10 minutes to the StairMaster at a slightly faster speed for a total of 30 minutes. I also increased my time on the rowing machine from 60 minutes to 65.

Yes, that is a mere 15-minute addition. 

Nothing to call the news stations about but at the end of the week, that 15 minutes per day (x7 days) added up to an additional 1 hour and 45 minutes of kicking ass in the gym. 

That extra effort has made a difference on the scale because when I weighed myself this morning, I was excited (more like shocked) to see that I had lost FOUR pounds this week, bringing my total weight loss to 35 pounds since October.

Other than changing the brand of protein shake I drink, I didn't eat anything differently. I am still consuming 1 gram of protein a day per pound of my target body weight. I am still drinking the same amount of water each day (which is half my body weight in ounces).

I can only attribute those four pounds to the additional 15 minutes of time.

When I started back in the gym just three months ago, I knew that my body would lose the first few pounds fairly quick because I hadn't worked out for more than two years. I was right because the first ten pounds practically fell off.

It took a month to build enough stamina to maintain an hour on the rowing machine and 20 minutes on the Stairmaster. My body became stronger and my muscles more leaner. Kind of goes along with that saying of, "Life isn't getting easier, I'm just getting stronger."

However, after two months of the same routine, my body became accustomed to same daily level of physical stress and my weight loss slowed down. It needed a little more stress to trigger muscle stimulation so last Sunday I granted it's wish.

I didn't add new moves or workouts to my routine. 

I didn't add some latest fitness craze piece of machinery, equipment, or pill to swallow. 

I simply pushed myself a little harder than I did the week before. 

15 minutes harder.

Did I die? No. 

Was I still breathing in the end? Yes.

It was just a little change that made a four pound difference.

I said goodbye to my days of thiving on stress years ago and I cannot stand drama. The only stress I like to feel these days is the stress of my muscles working.

Say goodbye to old habits, negative people, and nay-sayers. 

Chase your dreams. 

Achieve your goals. 

Add another 15 minutes to whatever is important to you.

Do not settle for anything less than what you want to achieve. In relationships, work, or just life in general. 

If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello. 

I got this! You got this!

Do it for the, "OMG, you look amazing!"

Since my last post, I have been asked several times if I started back at the gym to lose weight for my husband or if I started back for myself. I know I was asked because my friends and family want to make sure I am losing it for the right reasons.

The honest truth is, and I can't believe I am putting this out into the atmosphere, my motivation began the morning I discovered my underwear had become too tight. I had a breakdown right there in my closet. As soon as I received clearance from all of my doctors to begin working out again, I leapt at the chance to join a gym.

I have had a home gym since moving to Texas, which included an elliptical, Total Gym, and an upright stationary bike. As much as I'd like to say I was dedicated to using it, I can't.

I knew I needed to get out of my house if I wanted to make a difference. It becomes to easy to make excuses when you workout at home, including the old, "I'll just sit down for five minutes and then workout" excuse. That five minutes turns into an hour and by that time all motivation has been lost and you tell yourself, "I'll do it tomorrow."

That was no longer going to be me.

I looked into several gyms that were located between my office and house. There are at least 10 and nearly all are well-known names. The only criteria I knew I wanted was the location and hours of operation. It had to be close to home and because I can have a hectic travel schedule it had to be open pretty much any time I wanted to go.

There was nothing special that drew my attention to Anytime Fitness when I picked up the phone to inquire on their membership fees. It met my criteria because the facility is just four miles from my house and all members have 24/7 access. At the time, it was just another gym.

It wasn't until I walked through the front doors for a tour of the facility that I knew it was where I belonged. Words cannot explain how magnetically I was pulled in but I immediately felt at home. In a very strange way, it was calming. It didn't take any convincing on the owners' part to make me commit. The fact that they have a Concept 2 rowing machine was just an added bonus.

I signed up on Wednesday, October 7 and I was in the gym for my first workout on Thursday, October 8.

Since that first day in October, I have never felt like I was in competition with anyone while working out at the gym. I feel like I fit in. Everyone there is working toward a goal of their own and no one is there to simply bounce their half-naked body around. You know the type.

Another reason I love this gym is the owner genuinely cares about the experience his members have in his gym. You can tell by witnessing the interaction he has with everyone. From high school students to senior citizens, everyone is treated with the same respect.

I've been a member of other big name gyms, but whenever I walked through their doors all they saw were dollar signs. They could care less what I actually wanted to achieve and they just wanted my monthly membership fee. The fact that the owner of my gym actually takes the time to listen to what the members wish to achieve with their fitness goals and then takes action to help set them up for success really sets his gym apart from any other.

Raving about gyms or fitness centers hasn't ever been high on my list but I had to take a few minutes to brag about mine. Why? Because I love them!! Annnd because they have taken their own time to brag about me.

We think our member, Dawn Wagner, is even more awesome than today! We sure appreciate her incredible creativity in making this super cool graphic of our cardio area!!
Posted by Anytime Fitness - Katy, TX on Thursday, January 7, 2016

ALL of our members at AF Katy are incredible. And one of them is this lady. Her name is Dawn. You've heard about people...
Posted by Anytime Fitness - Katy, TX on Friday, December 18, 2015

My home gym has since been dismantled. Being in the gym has become one of only a handful of my happy places. I look forward to working out every day. I am there when I'm sick. I'm there when I'm tired. I'm there when I travel. I was even there on New Year's Eve where I rowed 20,018 meters into the new year at midnight.

I may be using the words my husband spoke to me as fuel to my fire to reach my goal, but I am doing this for myself. The size of my ass just happened to be the initial source of motivation.

Since I've been on this new journey, I have been enjoying the results. So far, I have lost enough weight that others are starting to take notice.

And...who doesn't love an, "OMG, you look amazing" compliment?

Do it for the compliments. Do it for smaller underwear. Do it for yourself.

I got this! You got this!

p.s. - If you are looking for an amazing gym to join, check out Anytime Fitness. They are everywhere. As a member, you get 24/7 access to all of their gyms. This makes it easy for me when I travel. Their monthly membership fee is by far the most affordable for what I receive in return.

For Better or Worse...Unless you Gain Weight???

In typical female fashion, I have a delayed rational reaction to many situations. I either quickly overreact or I close myself off. I know…gasp! A woman who admits she can overreact.

I am working hard to find a happy medium but it isn’t easy.

When I am in a confrontational face-to-face conversation I usually struggle to find the words I want to say but when I am alone on an airplane, 33,000 feet in the air, I suddenly become a Webster's Dictionary complete with a Thesaurus (which is the dilemma I am facing right now).

In the situation at hand, I didn't overreact or close myself off.

I completely shut down.

I didn't know how to react.

Here it is a month later and I finally have so much to say that I am finding it difficult to get it all out in a polite and rational way. So bare with me because I am trying to refrain from cursing.

I have a love/hate relationship with the fact that I tend to go the extra mile for people who won’t even cross the street for me. I give too much of myself and I love too blindly.

At times, these traits make me feel stupid because I get taken advantage of far too often.

After everything I have been through in my life I should have a blast-proof concrete wall up preventing others from penetrating but my heart is too big to contain. Becoming a hardened bitch is not my forte. Even after what I am about to tell you.

This past year has been a struggle for me and when I got sick in February my body paid the toll. Apparently because of that, my marriage paid the toll as well.

Without going into too many horrible details, there are two reasons my husband gave me when he told me he wanted a divorce.

The first reason he gave was that he was tired of my attitude over the previous six months. I reminded him that my bitchy attitude was the direct result of discovering the various online profiles he had created for himself advertising his availability on casual sex websites and the fact that he actually had another woman spend the night in our house while I was traveling.

He said he felt that since he had already apologized for those incidents a few months prior that I should have gotten over it. That I needed to let the past go.

When I brought up that my attitude had recently worsened because just a few weeks prior I found 17 f***ing emails on his computer that he sent to women on Craigslist who were looking for sex, he didn’t have much of a response.

I told him that I was beyond mortified that he offered to host these women in our house while I was traveling for work and that it was heartbreaking that he had sent eight of those emails while I was in the emergency room for my heart condition.

His defense was that he didn’t touch any of them and that was all that mattered. I told him that it didn’t matter if he did or didn’t because the only important fact was that his intent (ahem…very strongly worded intent) was there. Multiple times.

The second reason he gave was, and I quote, “You didn’t hold up your end of the bargain in our marriage.” When I questioned what that meant, his response was, “You didn’t maintain the way you looked.”

When I acknowledged that, yes, I had gained nearly 40 pounds over the year because of my illness, he said, “don’t kid yourself honey, it was more than 40 pounds.”

Because I have this heart that is too big to contain, I actually sat there and tried to defend myself.

But, it didn’t matter to him that I had been back at the gym for the previous six weeks working my ass off (and loving every sweaty, breathless moment) to lose the added fluff.

It didn’t matter that at that point I had already lost 20 pounds.

It didn't matter because he said he fell out of love with me and was no longer attracted to me due to the weight gain and pissy attitude.

At that moment, I stood up, looked him dead in the eye and with the most perfect annunciation while my finger was pointed directly at him I said, “FUCK YOU!”, and I walked out of the house. (Yes, his words were the driving force behind my previous post.)

I’m sure you can imagine what a number this ordeal has done in my head. The emotions that had wreaked havoc on my life for more than 20 years had resurfaced after I worked so hard to overcome them. I have gone from feeling stupid, weak, and pitiful to raging beast mode bitch when I think of his words, “you didn’t hold up your end of the bargain because you didn’t maintain the way you looked”.

Who says that to someone they supposedly love?

Sure I could dwell on the what if’s…What if I didn’t travel so much? What if I didn’t get sick? What if I didn’t gain weight?...but I won’t. Why? Because none of that matters.

Our wedding vows didn’t say, “for better or worse…unless you gain weight”. They said, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health.”

I did not choose to be sick and I did not choose to gain weight. My husband chose to make himself available and offered himself to multiple women on multiple occasions.

At the end of each day, I find myself reflecting on the words my friend said to me that night after all of this went down…“You are a strong woman.”

Those words make me feel a sense of peace.

They also validate why it is so easy for me to move on.

If not, it would be too easy to become a hardened bitch.

It would be too easy to continue curling up in the fetal position and crying myself to sleep.

It would be too easy to give up on my goals.

Instead, in my truest form, I will continue to love blindly and unconditionally.

I will continue to go the extra mile for others.

I will hold my head up high with a smile upon my face…even when I am out of breath with sweat dripping down my face while climbing that damn StairMaster at my favorite gym (Anytime Fitness - Katy, TX) where they love and accept me for who I am.

More importantly, I will continue to seek AND achieve my goals.

I have a little more than 30 pounds to go before I reach my first goal weight. I have no doubt that I will not only achieve it - I will demolish it.

I refuse to be sabotaged by anyone, including myself or my soon-to-be ex-husband.

I am not seeking sympathy from anyone.

I am not seeking anyone to justify my thoughts and emotions.

I know I deserve better.

And one day, when I least expect it, that truly better half of myself will magnetically find me…regardless of what my weight is.

I got this.

Droppin' "F" Bombs with a Smile

I was recently in Phoenix for work and during a group meeting we had an ice breaker to get to know one another. The topic of the ice breaker was, “If your life story was a movie genre, what would it be and why?”

Because I was part of the team who picked the ice breaker, I had a little time to prepare my response. I struggled with this because I wasn’t sure if I should be honest or lie to my co-workers. I discussed my anxiety over that with my co-presenters and because they know my story, they actually encouraged me to be open and honest…so I did.

When it was my turn, I said “I feel like my story would make for an epic award-winning, true crime, Dramedy.”

Of course, everyone’s ears perked up at the words “true crime”. I have been with this company for 16 years now and I can count on one hand how many know my story.

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My dad went to prison when I was three. He didn’t get out until I was 12 so I basically grew up visiting him in various prison facilities. To me, this was normal and I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

He lived a “rockstar” life when he got out of prison and didn’t take very good care of himself.

He was an alcoholic. He was a drug addict.

He was an abusive man. I walked in on him beating up my step mom one night.

I called the police.

He went to jail, again. Only for four months but it was long enough for my dad’s side of the family to turn on me. I was told, “you don’t turn your family members in.”

This became my “normal”.

Because of this I found myself attracted to men who had a “bad boy” image which led me into relationships with men who led a true criminal lifestyle. You may remember me discussing how I drove my behind all over the state of Washington in a previous post.

I also came out of a very violent marriage where being held at gunpoint, knifepoint, being choked out, and having things thrown at me was a constant. I accepted this behavior because to me it was normal.

It took me MANY years and one divorce to learn from my mistakes but trust me when I say that I am over it.

My dad passed away when he was 50. His lifestyle had caught up with him.

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In high school, I learned that everything happens for a reason. We may not ever know what the reason is but I do know that God puts us where he wants us.

In my senior year of high school, my best friend and I drove to her boyfriend’s house because he wasn’t answering her calls. When we got there, they started arguing. We weren’t there very long when she stormed out of his bedroom and said we were leaving.

We got into her car and we sped off. She was driving at a very high rate of speed down dark and curvy roads.

He was chasing us.

She refused to stop.

We hit a curve going 85 miles an hour and she lost control of the car.

I don’t remember much after that.

The police told me that we flipped the car end over end four times down an embankment on the opposite side of the road.

She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

My best friend died that night. A big part of my heart died with her.

As I previously mentioned, her boyfriend was chasing us. Because I don’t remember anything in the minutes before we wrecked, the police couldn’t determine if he was at fault.

I believe in karma. Fast forward five years later – he gets into a head on collision with a tree. He is now paralyzed.

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I was diagnosed with a kidney disease when I was 30. Approximately 30% of the filters in my kidneys are destroyed (scar tissue has grown over the glomeruli). I am prone to kidney infections, especially when I get a cold or the flu. They are also easily irritated and get inflamed which causes extreme pain.

The doctors say I can live the rest of my life with my kidneys if I can continue to manage their behavior but there may come a day when a transplant is needed.

Because my disease is an autoimmune disorder, I am susceptible to other autoimmune and autonomic disorders. After ten years, this caught up with me in a big way and now I have a heart disease and hypothyroidism (see previous post where I discuss this).

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Yes, that is a lot of drama so why did I refer to my life as a Dramedy movie genre?

Laughter. If my life were a movie, I would make sure there was a lot of humor to lighten the darkness of the drama.

I find that when it comes to dealing with pain, drama, or shady people, laughter gets me through.

I am that annoying person that looks at the positive in everything.

Two years ago, I was sitting in the ER waiting room with excruciating pain in my abdomen and all I could do was giggle.

I think I laughed the most at the fact that it felt like labor pains but I knew it wasn’t because I had a hysterectomy 12 years prior.

Every time the pain hit, I just laughed. I thought for sure the doctor was going to come in and tell me that it was just gas. No joke.

You can imagine the look on my face when the doctor came in and said they needed to take me into emergency surgery because my appendix was about to blow.

So, what does this life story movie business have to do with my weight loss journey?

Nothing. Other than the fact that I let myself slip back into a few old habits and forgot to not take my slip up so seriously.

I am back in the gym and loving every minute of it.

I laugh through the pain of my blistered hands from rowing.

I laugh when my thighs are so stiff it hurts just to get in and out of the car. I have also dropped a few "F" bombs because of this but I say it with a smile - so to me, that's OK!

I laugh because crying gets me no where.

I may not have overcome things as serious as others but the fact that I have come out from some very dark places in my life and I still have a smile on my face says a lot.

Laugh on my friends! Your situation is what you make it.

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy...

Yesterday was one of those days when I wanted a complete “do-over” at the end of the day. I had a zillion things on my To Do list, and I think I accomplished one. With major deadlines looming, being homesick because my grandma is in the hospital and not doing well, and other family-related issues running amuck in my mind – I was an emotional wreck at the end of the day.

I drove to the gym, changed into my workout clothes, and plunked my behind down on the rowing machine. I was not in the mood to listen to my usual playlist of heavy electric guitar rock anthems, so I put on something a little more mellow.

I think I was about 2.5 minutes in when I felt a tear well up in my eye and roll down my face. I could not believe it. There I was – in the gym – on the verge of an emotional outburst. I was determined to get through my workout in one piece, so I choked back those tears and rowed on.

Fast forward to 15 minutes later when the owner of the gym walked by and asked me what was wrong. He is a busy guy and doesn’t need to hear my whiney girly emotions, so I replied in a soft tone, “I’m just having a bad day.” He noted that I had put in 3,000 meters and suggested I round it up to 4,000 and call it a day.

For a millisecond, that sounded like a superb idea and coming from a man who is also a trainer I thought I could use that as an excuse to go home.

In that same millisecond, my inner motivational speaker said, “Keep going, girl. You got this. I’ve got your back.” My ears perked up and I told him I was going to suck it up and keep going.

And, that is exactly what I did.

I turned off that sad song playlist and cranked up some Metallica. I decided to use that time on the rowing machine to get my thoughts organized, so I could have a good plan of attack for the following day.

As the minutes passed, my thoughts were beginning to clear, and I started to feel better. As I was nearing my usual 12,000-meter completion, I was dripping with sweat, and my blistered hands were throbbing with pain. BUT - I noticed that I had a little more pep in my step and was feeling pretty good – so, I pushed myself to go another 1,000 meters.

When I finished, I felt amazingly happy. I couldn’t help but giggle because the only thing that was going through my head was a quote from the movie, Legally Blonde 2. “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t.”

I left the gym with a smile on my face and had no homicidal thoughts on my way home.

I could have easily gone home after only rowing 3,000 meters, but I would have spent the evening wallowing in my dramatic thoughts. That would have put me at risk for justifying having a lemon bar or making a ginormous bowl of hot buttered popcorn and plopping myself on the couch to catch up on all my recorded shows. However, I would have done myself absolutely no favors.

Instead, my inner motivational speaker propelled me to the finish line and beyond, and I was able to walk out of the gym a whole lot happier.

Yes, food is the most abused anxiety drug and I 100% agree that exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant. It only took me two years to remember that fact.

I’ve got this.

Hello from the Outside

For the last two years, the wings I grew and learned to spread took me soaring. I embraced everything I learned about who I really am as a person and I had finally defined myself. Then, I became content. This made adjusting to a new city and state, dealing with odd medical anomalies, and my crazy travel schedule much easier to deal with. However – emotionally, I was flying by the seat of my pants with my hair on fire for much of this time.

I read the following quote the other day and it struck a chord in my heart. “Many things aren’t equal but everyone gets the same 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We make time for what we truly want.” After reading that, I came to the realization that I had put myself in a bubble of my own chaotic craziness and was focused on the wrong side of whatever challenge I was facing. I had been confronting my challenges with a “WTF” mentality and became unhappy because I didn’t feel true happiness anymore.

What is happiness to me?

I do not have to have the best of everything to be happy.

I do not have to be a certain size to be happy.

Money or tangible items will not make me happy.

When I first set out on my weight loss journey in 2011, I assumed that just losing the weight would make me happy and everything would be sunshine and roses. 

As my tale unfolded, I learned that my goal of fitting into a size eight dress was not the source of my happiness.

It was the fact that I had a goal, period.

I learned that what truly makes me happy is knowing I am putting every effort into achieving my goals. Regardless of whatever the goal might be.

Since I have discovered this little epiphany, everything has become crystal clear and it has become motivating. Those nights, after work, when I am mentally exhausted and try to tell myself that I cannot take one more step and life will be happier on the couch at home, I think of that quote and I push myself to go to the gym. Why? Because I know the feeling of happiness I will feel after I’ve put an effort into reaching my goal. You cannot achieve a goal if you don’t put forth the effort, right?

Not going to lie…I have some tricks to get through a workout. I have learned to deal with the gym in five minute increments rather than an hour. Most days, I have to push myself to just make it through the first five minutes on the StairMaster. Once I reach that mark, I start telling myself, “I can go another five minutes.” After that five minutes has passed, I tell myself, “you can make it another five minutes.” Next thing you know, I’ve made it 20 minutes on that darn thing. At that point, my little happiness trigger kicks in and my inner motivational speaker says “Now, move your behind over to that rowing machine and see if you can make it five more minutes.”

It’s been a little more than two weeks since I started back at the gym and I have only missed one day out of the last 17…and that is because I was traveling to California. While there, I managed to work out a deal at my former gym for my last two California trips of the year. I pushed myself harder each day and at the end of the week, I managed to row a total of 47,740 meters (which translates to 29.664 miles) and I climbed nearly 300 flights of stairs. I weighed myself when I got home and I lost 7 pounds this past week!! Whoop Whoop!!

I am not in a rush to get to my goal weight. I know it will take time to lose the 65 pounds I want to lose and I am ok with that. I know I will get back into my favorite leather pants, my favorite dress will fit me like a glove again, and I will gain back the physical strength I had achieved before.

For the time being, I am relishing in the fact that I am now on the outside of that bubble and I will continue to do whatever it takes to make sure I do not put myself back in.

Accountability is Everything

After a two and a half year hiatus, I am resurrecting my blog. I have concluded that by avoiding posting about my progress, I was no longer holding myself accountable to the goals I had set out for myself. Yes, I had successfully hit my weight loss goal but I did not hold myself accountable for maintaining it.

My son walking me down the "aisle".

Much has happened since my last update. I relocated from California to Texas for my job the summer of 2013. My then fiancé (now husband) and I had set our wedding date for the following spring so I was in full-blown planning mode. I purchased my dress a year before the wedding to keep myself motivated and that plan worked well as the only alterations required were to shorten the dress. Despite the rain, it was a beautiful ceremony. We held both ceremony and reception in my parent’s backyard and my ever so handsome son walked me down the aisle.



My setbacks began six months before the wedding with an emergency trip to the ER when my Appendix decided it no longer wanted to be a part of my life and I had to have it removed. Because the number on the scale wasn’t going up, I allowed myself to use my recovery as excuse to be lazy with my exercise but since I was still in “Operation Wedding Dress” mode at that time, my diet was on point.

It wasn’t until after the wedding that I started having a difficult time with my weight. The first 20 pounds was because in addition to no longer working out 4 times a week, I stopped tracking my calories. I was still eating many of the same foods I ate during my losing period but I was adding way to many carbs. That occasional cookie or treat was turning into almost a daily habit.

In January of this year, I knew I had to face the reality of my choices so I cut out the carbs and started exercising again. After a month of working on getting my butt back into shape, I had a major medical setback. I had just finished running and hour on my elliptical and was soaking in the bathtub. I felt like I was overheating so I got out and jumped in the shower to wash my hair. I couldn’t lift my arms and I blacked out. I yelled for my husband after my vision returned and he took my blood pressure. It was 80/40 and my heart rate was near 160. He got me dressed and took me to the ER. After 7 hours, they released me with a referral to a cardiologist and neurologist.

After two months of tests and a visit to an Electrophysiologist, I was diagnosed with Left Ventricular Hypotrophy (LVH) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). What does that mean? LVH is where the wall of your heart muscle thickens and becomes tight. POTS causes your blood pressure to suddenly drop and your heart rate to double or triple upon standing. When I was soaking in a hot bath, my blood pressure was already lowered by the heat of the water and when I stood up to get in the shower it dropped enough to make me black out. The LVH is likely an unwanted side effect from my kidney disease (IgA Nephropathy) because it causes high blood pressure. Technically, the IgA is an autoimmune disorder that affects the kidney. POTS is an autonomic disorder and my Electrophysiologist said that it isn’t uncommon for people with autoimmune disorders to get autonomic disorders. For two months, I could not be upright for longer than 20 minutes at a time because I would get dizzy and blackout. This meant I couldn’t do a whole lot of anything including driving - because dizziness while driving is not a good thing. Luckily, I have an awesome job and I was able to work from home for nearly two months.



Now, because I have a kidney disease, I have to take high blood pressure pill to keep blood flowing to the kidneys. The medication they would normally give someone with POTS is one that keeps your blood pressure up. The two essentially cancel each other out. The only thing left was to put me on sodium hydrotherapy. The FDA recommends that you should take in no more than 2,400 mg  of sodium per day and recent reports suggest they want to lower that to 1,200. My doctor put me on 5,000 mg per day! FIVE THOUSAND. The purpose is to keep my blood volume up so when I stand my blood pressure doesn’t drop as much. I was also put on compression therapy so my blood doesn’t pool in my legs when sitting. I had no idea how I was going to eat that much sodium in a single day. After a week of eating crap and feeling horrible, my doctor said I could take sodium chloride tablets.

After a few weeks of this, I was puffy, bloated, and I felt like I was sucking on a salt lick all day. I was getting depressed. My jeans did not fit, my ring was getting tight, and I could feel the water retention in my legs and feet.

I made an appointment with my doctor after I saw that I had gained 20 pounds. I had assumed that my thyroid had been checked because I had like a million lab tests done when they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me but she assured me that it hadn’t been checked. She ordered a complete thyroid panel and it turns out that in addition to all the other crap I have going on, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism…another awesome autoimmune disorder…and I am now on Synthroid, a synthetic thyroid hormone.

 

I have been on this medication for three months now but my metabolism didn’t seem to be improving. My doctor ran another panel to confirm the medication is doing its job so after a hard reality check; I had to chalk up my lack of weight loss on my lack of accountability. I had been using my disorders as a crutch and was not looking for alternative ways to exercise and I used my POTS as an excuse to over indulge in crappy, high-sodium foods.

I need to rid myself of the weight I put on so this past week, I joined a local gym and have been going every day since I joined. Turns out, I actually missed working myself into a sweaty mess and I missed the awesome feeling you get after you get in a really good workout. One of the owners of this gym has been giving me great tips and is committed to helping whip me back into shape. I've been rowing a minimum of 3,600 meters on my beloved rowing machine (seriously, I love to row)and climbing 50 flights of stairs in the Stairmaster (seriously, not loving the Stairmaster but it works). He even made me do those darn battling ropes the other day. Only in 30 second intervals but DANNNG...those are no joke!

Anyway - now that I’ve put all this out there, I’ll be blogging again to keep myself in check. So...from this moment forward, I am holding myself accountable for every action I take and I am not going to let any of my medical issues set me back again. Of course, I have monitor my heart rate and be mindful of how I am feeling while working out but I will have no more excuses. Failure is NOT an option. I will get back into my favorite leather pants one day but if I don’t get back to my goal weight, it won’t be because I didn’t try.